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Thyroid Surgery Jokes

PREVIOUSLY ONltigt THE REAL HOUSEWIVESltigt ltigt OF ORANGE COUNTY.ltigt GRETCHEN’S AND VICKI’S. I THINK GRETCHEN’S IS THE BEST. YOU DO OH, YOU’RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND! laughing I FEEL LIKE CRAP EVERY DAY. THE TUMOR’S LIKE THIS AND YOU TAKE A SAMPLE FROM OVER HERE, THE CANCER COULD BE SITTING DOWN HERE. I DON’T WANNA DO THE C WORD. WE HAVE VICKI. EVERYONE KNOWS SHE LIKES TO OINK. DON’T GET MAD AT ME BECAUSE SHE LOOKS LIKE MISS PIGGY. I WAS KIND OF LIKE, OHOH, BOY,.

I HOPE SHE DOESN’T HEAR THAT, YOU KNOW BF GOODRICH ACTUALLY SENT OUT A PRESS RELEASE AND IT SAID TAMRA BARNEY IS NOW REPLACING THE MICHELIN MAN. I THOUGHT TAMRA AND GRETCHEN WERE FRIENDS. SO WHY IS HE GOING AFTER TAMRA DO YOU CARE AT ALL ABOUT THE FACT THAT MAYBE I’M TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS WITH HIM IF THEY’RE NOW SUFFERING THE RAMIFICATIONS BECAUSE OF THINGS THAT ARE OUT THERE ABOUT THEM PUBLICLY, HUH, TOO BAD. WOO! I CALL THE SHOTS IN MY LIFE NOW.

AND I HAVE GOOD AIM. MY TANK IS FULL, AND I’M DRIVING INTO MY FUTURE. YAHOO! I THANK GOD EVERY DAY FOR MY LIFE. AND YOU WOULD TOO. I MAY BE MARRIED TO A PLASTIC SURGEON, BUT I’M 98 REAL. DON’T CALL ME A PRINCESS. CALL ME THE BOSS. I GOTTA CALL CINDY IN TEN MINUTES. WHY ‘CAUSE I HAVE TO HAVE AN IMPROV DOWNLOAD. sighs TO ME, FOR THE FIRST TIME, I FELT LIKE THIS IS WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO.

The Real Housewives of Orange County He Said What

IN COMEDY YEAH. COMEDY YEAH. LIKE, YOU DON’T EVER TELL ME ABOUT ANY OF THESE THINGS THAT YOU WANNA DO, AND IT’S LIKE, IT JUST ALL OF A SUDDEN ONE DAY POPS OUT OF NOWHERE. IT’S LIKE, HEY, I WANNA PAINT. HEY, I WANNA DO STANDUP COMEDY. IT’S LIKE, WHERE DID THIS COME FROM WHEN I’M MAKING JOKES, ALL THE STRUGGLE AND STRESS OF THE WORLD KIND OF SEEMS TO DISAPPEAR. REALLY YEAH. LIKE, YOU MEAN, LIKE, YOUR WHOLE LIFE ALL OF A SUDDEN MADE SENSE.

NO, NOT MY WHOLE LIFE. SO YOU MEANT JUST THIS STAGE IN YOUR LIFE JUST AT THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE, IT JUST FELT LIKE THE RIGHT THING. IT BOTHERS ME. IT’S LIKE, THE GUY’S IN ENTERTAINMENT, THE GUY LIKES TO DO A LOT OF THINGS. LIKE, THAT’S A REALLYNO. I WANT YOU TO FOCUS ON SOMETHING YOU REALLY LIKE AND THAT YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN EXCEL IN, BUT I DON’T WANT IT TO BE, LIKE, WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I FEEL LIKE WE WERE FIGHTING WAY TOO MUCH AND I WAS STRESSED OUT.

AND I WANNA BE ABLE TO SUPPORT YOU. AND IF DOESN’T INVOLVE ME, FINE, I DON’T CARE. BUT WHEN YOU INVOLVE ME LIKE THAT, THAT’S WHEN IT BECAME WAY TOO STRESSFUL. IF YOU’RE JUST ASKING ME TO NOT DISCUSS THE WOMEN OR BRING THEM UP SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE AMENDS, THAT’S FINE. I WILL RESPECT THAT REQUEST. sighs HI. HI! HERE’S A MENU FOR YOU. THANK YOU. YOU’RE WELCOME. WELL, WE GOT THIS BEAUTIFUL VIEW BACK HERE. I KNOW, ISN’T IT NICE IT’S NICE.

TERRY’S DAD LIVES RIGHT THERE. DOES HE REALLY THAT’S HIS HOUSE. SO YOU HAVE FAMILY NO, YOUR FAMILY IS IN THE EAST COAST, RIGHT NO, MY FAMILY DOESN’T LIVE HERE, YEAH. YEAH, AND SO TERRY’S TERRY’S FAMILY LIVES AROUND HERE, HIS MOM AND DA IS HE FROM HERE HE’S FROM VAN NUYS. VALLEY BOY. VALLEY BOY. I LOVE HIM, HE’S A SWEETHEART. I CAN’T WAIT FOR HIM TO MEET EDDIE. YEAH, ME TOO. HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN TOGETHER.

sighs A YEAR AND A HALF. THAT’S AN INTERESTING.MARK. IT IS, I MEAN, WE TALKED ABOUT, LIKE, GOING TO THE NEXT LEVEL AND MOVING IN TOGETHER. AND THERE CAME A MOMENT, WE’RE SITTING THERE AND I’M THINKING ABOUT IT AND I’M LIKE, I CAN’T MOVE IN WITH YOU. LIKE, I CAN’T, LIKE WHY BECAUSE OF THE KIDS YES. AND.I’VE BEEN MARRIED TWICE. AND, IT DIDN’T WORK OUT. I WANNA MAKE SURE THAT I’M DOING IT THE RIGHT WAY. YEP. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

HERE YOU GO, GIRLS. THAT LOOKS SO GOOD. IT DOES LOOK GOOD. OH, MY GOD. IT’S A CARB. TAKE IT AWAY. I’M SO EXCITED FOR THE BUNCO. I FIGURE, YOU KNOW, WHAT BETTER WAY TO COME TOGETHER IS TO DO, LIKE, A THEME PARTY. BUNCO IS A MINDLESS DICE GAME. IT’S JUST AN EXCUSE TO GET TOGETHER AND HAVE A FEW DRINKS. MY LAST BUNCO WAS ALL ABOUT BEING WIGGED OUT. WHERE’S YOUR CAR all squeal SHE GOT BUNCO! THIS YEAR, IT’S ABOUT THE ’80s.

I’M HOPING HEATHER’S UP FOR THIS. I FEEL LIKE IT’S KIND OF LIKE AN ICE BREAKER IN THE FACT THAT WE’RE NOT GONNA POKE FUN AT EACH OTHER OKAY. BUT WE CAN DEFINITELY LAUGH AT THEWHAT WE’RE WEARING. WE CAN MAKE FUN OF EACH OTHER IN A DIFFERENT WAY. IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE SO PERSONAL. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. DO YOU KNOW WHO’S COMING YET I’VE INVITED VICKI AND GRETCHEN AND ALEXIS. I DON’T TALK TO ALEXIS VERY OFTEN. ALEXIS IS KIND OF A DING DONG.

AND I CAN CARE LESS IF SHE COMES TO THE PARTY OR NOT. SO I’M INVITING ALEXIS AS AN ACT OF GOOD WILL TOWARDS GRETCHEN. ALEXIS AND I KIND OF COME FROM DIFFERENT WORLDS. SHE TALKS ABOUT JESUS AND HOW SHE LIVES HER LIFE, BUT SHE’S GOT THESE BIG GIANT TITS OUT TO HERE, THE LIPS ARE TO HERE AND THE HAIR IS TO HERE. SHE’S NOT THE SHARPEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. AND SHE’S A NEWSCASTER. WHAT YEAH, SHE TOLD ME SHE’S A NEWSCASTER. I DO ANCHORING ON THE FOX FIVE MORNING SHOW, SO.

YOU’RE A NEWS ANCHOR YES. laughs I’M SORRY. SHE’S A NEWSCASTER. WELL, SHE SAID SHE WAS A NEWS ANCHOR. I BELIEVE WHAT SHE’S DOING IS SHE HAS A STYLE PIECE. OH, MY GOD. I DON’T KNOW WHY SHE FELT THE NEED TO MAKE IT MORE THAN IT WAS, ‘CAUSE OBVIOUSLY SHE’S NOT A NEWS ANCHOR. MY 12YEAROLD IS SMARTER THAN ALEXIS. OH, DEAR. YEAH, I WENT THERE. DID I TELL YOU I WENT TO THE IMPROV NO. GRETCHEN WAS THE HOST.

OF THE EVENING. OKAY. SHE WASN’T ROBIN WILLIAMS, BUT SHE WAS BRAVE AND COOL AND I WAS PROUD OF HER, AND SLADE’S ACT SLADE WAS A COMEDIAN YES, IT SEEMED TO BE ALL ABOUT GRETCHEN’S CIRCLE OF FRIENDS, INCLUDING YOU. SO DO I WANNA HEAR THIS HE MADE SOME COMMENT ABOUT VICKI, PUT UP A PICTURE OF MISS PIGGY. gasps AND THEN HE MADE SOME COMMENT ABOUT YOU AND PUT UP A PICTURE OF THE MICHELIN MAN. OKAY. I MEAN, HONESTLY, I’M NOT TRYING TO INCITE YOU WITH THIS.

DID HEDID HE JOKE ABOUT HOW HE DOESN’T PAY CHILD SUPPORT NO, THERE WERE NO JOKES ABOUT THAT. OH, SO HE DIDN’T JOKE ABOUT THAT NO. IF HE WANTS TO CALL ME FAT, HE CAN CALL ME FAT ALL DAY LONG. I REALLY DON’T CARE, I’D RATHER BE CALLED FAT THAN A PARENT THAT DOES NOT TAKE CARE OF MY CHILD. WE’RE IN A SENSITIVE SITUATION WITH GRETCHEN NOW BECAUSE I’M TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. I’M PRETTY PISSED OFF. HERE I AM TRYING TO REPAIR THIS FRIENDSHIP WITH GRETCHEN.

IT’S HARD TO MOVE FORWARD WHEN SLADE IS CONSTANTLY PULLING PUNCHES WITH US. I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU AND GRETCHEN ARE GONNA BE ABLE TO BE FRIENDS IF SLADE IS I DON’T KNOW WHAT HIS MOTIVATION IS BEHIND IT. I DON’T KNOW IF HE HATES ME THAT MUCH OR HE’S JEALOUS OF EDDIE, OR IT’S HIS OWN INSECURITY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. WHO KNOWS YOU HAVE NO IDEA. I HAVE NO IDEA. YOU DON’T KNOW IF HE’S INSECURE BECAUSE IF YOU AND GRETCHEN BECOME FRIENDS, YOU’LL SAY TO HER,.

HE ISN’T RIGHT FOR YOU AND THEN HIS GIG WILL BE UP. ARE YOU CONCERNED THAT THERE’S GONNA BE A PROBLEM BECAUSE OF IT IBY THE WAY, I DON’T THINK THERE SHOULD BE. I’M TELLING YOU THAT WHAT HAPPENED ON THE STAGE WAS, AT BEST.DUMB. RIGHT. WHAT I’M SAYING IS, MAKE SLADE FEEL COMFORTABLE SO THAT HE’LL SHUT IT DOWN. AND IF YOU CAN GET SLADE TO SHUT DOWN THE JABBER, IT’LL BE BETTER FOR ALL OF YOU. RIGHT, RIGHT. I’VE TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE. WHY NOT KILL HIM WITH KINDNESS.

I LOVE IT. CHEERS, THANKS. CHEERS. phone dialing HELLO OH, THANK GOODNESS YOU ANSWERED. WHAT’S UP WELL, I’M AT DR. NICCOLE’S OFFICE AND I KNOW YOU’RE FIVE MINUTES AWAY, AND JIM COULDN’T COME, SO I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FINE, BUT NOW I’M KIND OF WISHING I HAD SOMEONE HERE, SO I WONDERED IF YOU WOULD COME MEET ME FOR MY DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT. OH, SHOOT, HONEY, I CAN’T. YOU WANNA MEET FOR COFFEE OR SOMETHING AFTERWARDS YEAH, THAT’D BE GREAT. OKAY, PERFECT. OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, THANKS, BYE. OKAY, GOOD LUCK. THANK YOU, BYEBYE. SO HOW’S YOUR DAY GOING GOOD. GOOD THANKS, HOW WAS YOUR DAY FABULOUS SO FAR. DR. NICCOLE DID MY BREAST SURGERY, SO. IF ANYONE, I FEEL COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE GOING TO HIM. YOUYOU CAN SEE IN YOUR XRAYS HERE. YOU’RE PROBABLY 80 OBSTRUCTED AIRWAYWISE. OH, WOW. UH, AND YOU CAN SEE YOUR SEPTUM, HOW CROOKED IT IS HERE. I HAVE A WHOLE LOT OF CRAP GOING ON UNDER MY NOSE.

I HAVE A DEVIATED SEPTUM. I HAVE TO DRAIN ONE SINUS BECAUSE IT ONLY HAS 20 AIRWAY BREATHING IT’S JUST A NIGHTMARE. THE REASON I’M SEEING YOU IS BECAUSE IF I’M GOING UNDERNEATH AND DOING ALL OF THAT, YOU KNOW I’VE BEEN WANTING THIS DONE FOR, LIKE, THREE YEARS. I’VE HAD THIS ISSUE WITH MY NOSE AND THE BUMP IN IT FOR A LONG TIME. I JUST DID THE PHOTO SHOOT FOR MY DRESS LINE. I HATED EVERY FLIPPIN’ PHOTO, YOU KNOW WHY ‘CAUSE MY NOSE LOOKED LIKE A BEAK IN EVERY PHOTO.

I’M LIKE, HATE THAT ONE, HATE THAT ONE. I DON’T WANNA LOOK LIKE I’VE HAD A NOSE JOB. I HONEST TO GOD DON’T, I DON’T WANNA I JUST WANT THE HUMP GONE. THE COSMETIC PART ISIS EASY. SO.YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO CALM DOWN, YOU CAN’T GET SO NERVOUS. I KNOW, BUT I’M FREAKING OUT. YEAH, BUT IT’S GONNA BE IT’S GONNA BE EASY. BUT, IT’S LIKE, THE FACT THAT I’M GONNA COME OUT OF ANESTHESIA AND WHAT IF I DON’T COME OUT OF ANESTHESIA IN 30 YEARS I’VE BEEN DOING THIS,.

100,000 PATIENTS, EVERY PATIENT HAS WOKEN UP. THIS IS EASIER THAN YOUR BREAST SURGERY. NO, I KNOW, WHAT SCARES ME WORSE IS THAT IT’S UNDER. YOU’RE GOING UNDER, IT’S LIKE, I’M GETTING WHAT SO MUCH STUFF DONE UNDERNEATH. YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO SEPARATE MY NOSE FROM MY FACE TO GET TO MY SINUSES. NO. OKAY. NO WONDER YOU’RE WORRIED. I MEAN, I’M REALLY NERVOUS AND LIKE, I WANTED MY HUSBAND TO COME, BUT HE WAS IN SAN DIEGO SO I’M LIKE, I NEED SOMEBODY TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW.

PLEASE DON’T GO INTO ANY MORE DETAILS SO I CAN STOP CRYING. I DON’T NEED TO KNOW ANY DETAILS OF WHAT YOU’RE GONNA DO TO THE INSIDE ANYMORE. OKAY, HOLD STILL, DON’T MOVE I CAN’T BREATHE. exhales YOU’RE GONNA PASS OUT ON MY COUCH. HOW LONG AM I GONNA BE, LIKE, IN PAIN, LIKE, SORE EH, THREE OR FOUR DAYS. sighs MY GOD, GIRL, YOU’RE JUST HAVING A NOSE JOB. SMILE, NO CRIES. COMING UP ONltigt THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY.ltigt YOU HAVE TO CALL TAMRA AND TELL HER WHAT WAS SAID.

AT THE COMEDY CLUB BECAUSE IT’S GONNA GET BACK TO HER. sighs HEY, HONEY. HI. YOU BEAT ME. I KNOW, I DID. GOOD, I HAD TO TOUCH UP MY MAKEUP ‘CAUSE I WAS, LIKE, HAVING A CRYING SESSION IN THERE. OFNO, FOR REAL I COULDN’T STOP THE FLOODGATES. YEAH, IT’S CRAZY, BECAUSE I WAS SO READY TO FIX MY NOSE. BUT NOW THAT IT’S SO CLOSE, AND I MEAN, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I SCHEDULED AN APPOINTMENT NOW TODAY, SO NOW, IT’S, LIKE, REAL. SHUT UP.

IT’S BEEN MY THIRD YEAR OF ANTIBIOTICS STRAIGHT. SO IT’S LIKE, I’VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING. WATCH MY NOSE. inhales laughs WHAT IS IT ITS NOT SWATCH MY NOSE. YEAH, I KNOW, BUT WHAT IS THAT THERE’S NOYOU CAN’T I CAN’T BREATHE OUT OF IT. IT’S LIKE, IT’S LIKE THERE’S NO AIRWAY. AND I’M GONNA TOTALLY GET THATI’M LIKE, WHY NOT I’M SO JEALOUS RIGHT NOW. I’M TOTALLY JEALOUS, BECAUSE I HATE THE BUMP ON MY NOSE. DO I HAVE A SINUS PROBLEM inhales UM. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY.

IF I DIDN’T HAVE BOTH PROBLEMS, I WOULDN’T DO IT. YEAH, THAT’S SCARY. YEAH. YEAH, THAT’S NOT GOOD. COME ON, LEX, I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU’RE DOING BOTH. IT’S NOT JUST THE MEDICAL NECESSITY. SPEAKING OF WHICH, HOWWHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THETHE COMEDY SHOW ARE YOU SO PROUD OF YOURSELF I WOULD NOT THAT WAS THE SCARIEST THING I’VE EVER DONE. BUT YOU CONQUERED IT. YOU DID IT. SO DID IT COME ACROSS FUNNY SO FUNNY. SLADE.GOT.GOT A LITTLE TICKED OFF.

AT VICKI AND TAMRA. HE GOT A LITTLE TICKED HE’S BEEN A LITTLE TICKED OFF I MEAN, HE PORTRAYED HIS ANGER VERY WELL FROM STAGE. LIKE, I WAS MAD AT HIM, I WAS REALLY MAD AT HIM BECAUSE I WAS JUST LIKE, BABE, I DON’T CARE IF IT’S IN THE PRESS OR NOT, LIKE, I’M TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS WITH THESE GIRLS AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA DO THIS YEAH. AND HE’S LIKE, YOU AND ME ARE TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT JIM WOULD SAY.

SLADE JUST SAID. LOOK IT. HE SAID, YOU KNOW, TAMRA AND VICKI HAVEN’T APOLOGIZED TO ME. HE SAID, SO TILL THEY APOLOGIZE TO ME THANK YOU. YOU’RE WELCOME. HE SAID, TILL THEY APOLOGIZE TO ME. HE’S LIKE, I DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT THEY THINK. SO THIS IS THE THING THAT I’M HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME WITH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE II’M AFRAID THAT BY WHAT SLADE’S DOING, IT’S GONNA CREATE ISSUES. IT IS. I’M REALLY TRYING TO STAY OUT OF IT, AND I JUSTI DON’T WANNA BE IN THE MIDDLE.

I DON’T WANT TO BE IN THE MIDDLE. YOU HAVE TO CALL HER AND TELL HER WHAT WAS SAID AT THE COMEDY CLUB BECAUSE IT’S GONNA GET BACK TO HER. JUST TELL HER, WHAT’S BETWEEN YOU AND SLADE, THAT IS BETWEEN YOU AND HIM. LEAVE ME OUT OF IT, ‘CAUSE I’M NOT GONNA TALK OUT OF TURN FOR HIM. I’M NOT GONNA SPEAK AND RIGHT. TRY TO SAY EXACTLY WHAT HE WOULD SAY AND HAVE IT COME OUT ALL WRONG. sighs HEY, DANIELLE, IS THERE IS THERE ANOTHER PRINT.

COMING OUT OF THE COPIER ‘CAUSE II’M MISSING, LIKE, 54 PAGES. IT’S RIGHT THERE. ALL 54NO. IT CAME OUT OF, LIKE, THE FAX. WHAT IT’SWERE YOU FAXING IT NO, I WAS JUST PRINTING IT. IT NEEDS TO COME OUT OF THIS ONE. DANIELLE, WHY IS IT COMING OUT OF THIS SIDE OF THE FAX MACHINE I HAVE NO IDEA. IT DOESN’T MATTER THOUGH, IT’S STILL PRINTING. BUT I DON’T LIKE THAT, BECAUSE IT’S WRONG. NO, I THINK IT JUST PRINTED ALL OVER AGAIN.

sighs USUALLY WHEN I GET TO WORK, I’M VERY FOCUSED, AND TODAY, I’M FEELING A LITTLE BIT DISTRACTED. UM, GOT A LOT ON MY MIND. SO WHEN YOU HIT PRINT HOW MANY PAGES IS THAT 66. OKAY. SO HIT PRINT AND.AND THEN HIT PAGE 66 TO 80. RIGHT THERE, YEP. NO, DANIELLE, THAT’S NOT RIGHT. SO THIS IS WHAT PART THREE DANIELLE, I FORGET. I THOUGHT YOU WERE HELPING ME. THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS THAT ARE REALLY PULLING AT ME RIGHT NOW.

I’M GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE. IT’S A DIVISION OF ASSETS. I’M HAVING FORENSIC ACCOUNTING DONE ON MY INSURANCE BUSINESS WHICH IS COSTING A LOT OF MONEY TO SEE IF I HAVE TO PAY SPOUSAL SUPPORT, WHICH REALLY WEIGHS WITH MY MIND. SO I’M STILL MISSING A BOOK, RIGHT YES. THERE’S FIVE. WHY DOES YOUR NOSE SOUND LIKE THAT BECAUSE I’M SICK! WELL, BLOW IT. YEAH, SO I’M GONNA GO GRAB SOME BREAKFAST, DO YOU WANT ANYTHING UM, WELL, BREAKFAST IS OVER AT 1030 IN MOST DRIVETHROUGHS.

I DON’T DO DRIVETHROUGHS. I KNOW, I DON’T EITHER. THIS TRYING TO KEEP PEACE AMONGST THE FAMILY TRYING TO GET THE KIDS IN A GOOD PLACE WHERE DAD’S STILL GONNA BE IN OUR LIVES. WE’RE JUST NOT GONNA BE MARRIED AND LIVING TOGETHER. NEXT WEEK, I’M OUT A LOT. RIGHT. I’M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL IN A LITTLE BIT. THEN I’LL COME BACK FOR THE WORKSHOP. OKAY. THEN BACK TO THE HOSPITAL. I’M SO SCARED FOR BRIANA. HER HEALTH IS JUST WEIGHING ON ME.

FROM THE TIME I WAKE UP TO THE TIME I GO TO BED. sighs VERY NERVEWRACKING, UM. SO, JUST HOLD THE FORT DOWN. YEAH, I’LL BE HERE. KEEP COMING IN IN THE MORNING, KEEP EVERYTHING MOVING. I KIND OF FEEL LIKE THE WALLS ARE CAVING IN ON ME AND I’M MELTING. BABE, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS ROOM, MAN PERFECT TIMING FOR YOU TO COME IN AND HELP ME MAKE THE BED. I CLEAN A LOT. OH, YEAH, I SEE YOU DO A VERY GOOD JOB.

I JUST NOTICED YOUR HAIR. laughs THAT’S KIND OF FUNNY. YEAH. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT IF I CUT MY HAIR SUPER SHORT IT WOULD BE CUTE LIKE THIS ‘CAUSE MY HAIR IS SO MUCH WORK RIGHT NOW, BABY, SO MUCH OF IT. SPEAKING OF WORK, I GOT A EMAIL FROM, UM, ROBIN, ROBIN ANTIN, AND SHE THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD IDEA IF YOU WOULD CONSIDER COMING AND DANCING AND SINGING AT THEIR NEW PUSSYCAT DOLL SALOON IN VEGAS. FOR REAL YEAH. SHUT UP, REALLY.

WHAT IS THAT GONNA ENTAIL SHE’S GONNA WALK YOU THROUGH WHATEVER ROUTINE OR CHOREOGRAPHY THAT YOU WOULD DO. I’M, LIKE, HONORED THAT THEY’RE EVEN ASKING ME TO DO IT. I THINK IT’S AWESOME, BUT I DON’T WANNA GO UP THERE AND, LIKE, TOTALLY, LIKE, FLUB AND MAKE MYSELF LOOK LIKE AND IDIOT. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THAT. IF ROBIN DIDN’T THINK YOU COULD DO IT, SHE WOULDN’T HAVE INVITED YOU. HAS ROBIN EVEN SEEN ME SING OR DANCE EVER SHE KNOWS YOU HAVE SONGS ON iTUNES.

THE PUSSYCAT DOLL GROUP IS A VERY RENOWNED MUSICAL GROUP THAT ROBIN ANTIN STARTED, AND THE BRAND PUSSYCAT DOLL, ROBIN HAS EXPANDED INTO AN EMPIRE. IF YOU’RE GONNA DO MUSIC, YOU SIMPLY NEED TO CONSIDER DOING THE THINGS THAT WILL PUT YOU OUT THERE IN THAT SPACE. THIS IS A CHANCE FOR YOU TO GO DO SOMETHING THAT NO ONE’S HAD A CHANCE TO DO YET WITH THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS. I’VE HAD TWO SONGS THAT HAVE ALREADY MADE IT AND HAVE DONE REALLY WELL, SO THIS IS REALLY ANOTHER FEATHER IN MY CAP.

MAYBE THIS COULD BE A REALLY GREAT OPPORTUNITY. OKAY, BUT YOUI KNOW YOU. YOU’RE GONNA GO AND SAY YES SHE’LL DO IT. I KNOW YOU. AND THEN YOU’LL PUSH ME TO MAKE ME, AND THEN SAY, EVERYBODY’S COUNTING ON YOU. THIS IS WHAT YOU DO. I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT TO YOU. YES, YOU HAVE. WHEN DON’T LIE, YOU DO THAT TO ME. WHEN YOU DID THAT WITH THE IMPROV, YOU TURKEY BUTT. I DID NOT DO THAT WITH THE IMPROV. DON’T EVEN LIE OH, YOU CAN HOST..

AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW IT SAYS, GRETCHEN BRINGING COMEDY TO THE STAGE ON THE FLYER. DO THEY PREP WITH PEOPLE, LIKE YEAH. LIKE, MONTHS IN ADVANCE OR NO WELL, I DON’T KNOW HOW FAR IN ADVANCE THEY TYPICALLY DO IT, BUT I KNOW THIS IS THE PROCESS. YOU’LL MEET WITH ROBIN, DISCUSS WHAT YOU WOULD DO WITH REGARD TO THE SHOW. THERE IS A GIRL ALREADY THAT IS THE LEAD SINGER OF THIS VENUE, OKAY WHEN A GUEST COMES IN, THE GUEST PICKS A SONG, AND MAYBE COMES OUT AND SINGS THAT SONG.

BUT THE LEAD SINGER DOES THE REST OF THE SHOW. IF YOUR VOCAL’S GREAT, YOU GET TO SING THE SONG. IF YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT YOUR VOCAL OR THEY DON’T THINK IT’S UP TO PAR, THEY WILL JUST HAVE YOU DO A FUN BURLESQUEY NUMBER, LIKE, IN THE BATHTUB OR SOMETHING. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, I GO, OH, CRAP. I HAVEN’T BEEN PRACTICING SINGING AND I HAVEN’T REALLY DANCE DANCED EXCEPT, LIKE, AT A CLUB. WHAT SONG DO YOU THINK I SHOULD SING THEN IF I’M GONNA SING A SONG ltigt FEVER.ltigt.

Ltigt FEVERltigt MMHMM. WHERE’D YOU COME UP WITH THAT I ALREADY TALKED TO ROBIN ABOUT IT. DO YOU SEE WHAT I’M SAYING THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I’M SAYING. BABY, IT WAS A COMPNO. YOU ALREADY COMMITTED ME BEFORE I I DID NOT COMMIT YOU. YOU DID TOO. YOU’RE ALREADY WERE TALKING ABOUT A SONG. I DID NOT YOU DID, DIDN’T YOU NO, WHAT HAPPENED WAS, I SAID, WELL, IF SHE WAS GONNA DO A SONG, WHAT WOULD SHE DO AND ROBIN SAIDltigt FEVER.ltigt.

SLADE’S DEFINITELY IN THE DOGHOUSE RIGHT NOW, AND, OF COURSE, THE TIME HE PICKS TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS GREAT OPPORTUNITY WITH THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS IS NOW. I NEVER SAID HE WASN’T SMART. OKAY, EVERYBODY IN FAVOR, RAISE YOUR PAW! HEY! YAY! YAY! MAMA’S GONNA DANCE WITH THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS. both WOOHOO! COMING UP ONltigt THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY.ltigt TELL SLADE TO SHUT HIS MOUTH OR I’M GONNA KICK HIM IN THE BALLS. OH, MAN, I’M GLAD YOU’RE HERE. YAY, I’M GLAD TO BE HERE.

WHAT’S GOING ON, BY THE WAY ‘CAUSE I KNEW IF I COULD CALL ANYBODY, I’D CALL YOU, OKAY. OKAY, WHAT’S GOING ON WE’RE HAVING.A BUNCO PARTY. DO YOU KNOW WHAT BUNCO IS NO. I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR OLD PEOPLE. I THOUGHT SO TOO. YEAH. DON’T THEY SIT AROUND AT TABLES AND JUST PLAYI DON’T EVEN KNOWIS IT CARDS OR DICE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS. I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T KNOW. TAMRA SAID SOMETHING ABOUT DICE, BUT I DON’T KNOW.

OKAY, I’M STILL VERY CONFUSED WITH THIS. WHAT’S UP WITH YOU AND TAMRA BEING BFFs NOW WE’RE NOT BFFs. OKAY. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WE’RE NOT BFFs. WELL YOU’VE BEEN I DON’T KNOW. WE’RE NOT COMPLETELY BFFs YET. WE’RE WORKING TOWARDS BFFs. OKAY, MY MAMA MY MAMA TOLD ME A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS SPOTS. YOUR WHO TOLD YOU THIS MY MAMA. YOUR MA both laugh OKAY, TALK TO ME ABOUT THE BUNCO PARTY. OKAY, SO WE’RE DOING A BUNCO PARTY.

AND SO WE WERE THINKING ’80s. gasps I LOVE A COSTUME PARTY! I KNOW, 80’S! SHOW MESHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. OKAY, SO THIS IS FUNNY. THIS IS MY SNOW WHITE WIG. OH, MY GOD, CHECK THIS OUT. OKAY, SO HOW FUN IS THIS I WAS THINKING, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, IN THE ’80s THEY HAD BIG POOFY SKIRTS OH, YEAH, TOTALLY LIKE MADONNA. YEAH, LIKE MADONNASTYLE. OH, THAT WOULD BE TOTALLY FUN. I WAS JUST THINKING THIS MIGHT ACTUALLY WORK.

FOR ONE OF THEM IF I WANTED TO DO THAT. I WENT AND GOT THIS BECAUSE I THOUGHT THIS WAS HILARIOUS. OH, MY GOD, THAT’S SO ’80s. ‘CAUSE IT’S TOTALLY ’80s. LIKE, MADONNA, LIKE, RIGHT RIGHT. ISN’T THAT FUNNY OH, MY GOD, ACTUALLY IT LOOKS KINDA COOL. both laugh OKAY, TELL ME THIS IS NOT AWESOME. IS IT HOT AS BALLS IN HERE I THINK IT’S ALWAYS HOT IN THE CLOSET. both laugh OKAY, SO I’M THINKING THESE ARE HILARIOUS. LIKE, ‘CAUSE THESE ARE TOTALLY ’80s, RIGHT.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, I LIKE IT. LIKE CRAZY BAGELS. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN phone rings OH, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL. THAT’S MY.THAT’S TAMRA. HOLD ON A SEC. HELLO HEY, B DID YOU HEAR ME TALKING ABOUT YOU laughs NO, NOT EXACTLY. I’M, UH, WE’REI’M PICKING OUT OUTFITS AND I WAS JUST, UHWE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU. THAT’S FUNNY. NO, I’M CALLING YOU ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN OUTFITS. OH, YOU’RE CALLING ME ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN OUTFITS YOU KNOW HOW WE ALWAYS SAID WHEN I HEAR SOMETHING.

I’M GONNA GO STRAIGHT TO YOU AS OPPOSED TO MAKING AN OPINION AND GETTING UPSET. YEAH. WELL, HEATHER TOLD ME ABOUT YOUR AND SLADE’S PERFORMANCE AT THE IMPROV. OH, CRAP, YOU KNOW, THIS IS GONNA START A WHOLE NEW WAR BETWEEN HER AND I. LOOK, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER THE DEAL IS BETWEEN YOU AND SLADE IS BETWEEN YOU AND SLADE, BUT I’M SORRY HE SAID THAT. I DON’T WANT HIM, YOU KNOW, DOING THAT. WE’VE ALREADY GOTTEN IN A COUPLE OF FIGHTS ABOUT STUFF THAT HE’S BEEN DOING, SO.

IT MAKES THINGS DIFFICULT FOR YOU AND I. NO, EXACTLY, THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING. I NEED THAT LIKE I NEED A HOLE IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW. I KNOW THAT SLADE DEFINITELY STILL HAS SOME ISSUES WITH YOU AND I, YOU KNOW, I PROBABLY SUGGEST THAT YOU GUYS, AT SOME POINT, TALK BECAUSE I KNOW THAT HE HAS HIS OWN ISSUES WITH YOU, BUT I’M SORRY THATI’M SORRY THAT THAT WAS PUT OUT THERE LIKE THAT. OKAY, I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I’M ASKING YOU FIRST.

YOU KNOW, I APPRECIATE THAT. I REALLY DO, I APPRECIATE THAT A LOT. I OFTEN WONDER WHY GRETCHEN WOULD PUT UP WITH A GUY LIKE SLADE. I MEAN, SHE’S A BEAUTIFUL GIRL. SHE CAN HAVE ANY GUY SHE WANTS. AND HERE SHE CHOOSES A GUY THAT DOESN’T WORK, DOESN’T HAVE A HOUSE, DOESN’T HAVE A CAR, DOESN’T HAVE MUCH. BUT HE HAS A BIG OPINION OF EVERYBODY ELSE. TELL SLADE TO SHUT HIS MOUTH, OR I’M GONNA KICK HIM IN THE BALLS. YOU’RE GONNA KICK HIM IN THE BALLS.

YEAH. OH, MY GOSH. THEN HE’S GONNA HAVE TWO SORE BALLS BECAUSE I’M GONNA KICK HIM IN THE OTHER ONE. laughs OKAY, YOU KICK HIM IN THE LEFT, I’LL KICK HIM IN THE RIGHT. OKAY, SOUNDS GOOD. OKAY. OKAY, THANKS, HON. BYE. AT LEAST SHE CALLED. THAT’S A HUGE STEP. SO THAT’S HUGE. AT LEAST SHE CALLED AND AND SAID, YOU KNOW, WHAT’S GOING ON BUT IT’S FRUSTRATING BECAUSE I THINK WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH A LOT OF IT SOUNDS STUPID,.

BUT I THINK HER AND I ARE PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH A LOT OF GROWING PAINS, BECAUSE THERE’S GONNA BE SO MUCH bleep THAT IS BROUGHT BACK UP FROM ALL THE bleep THAT’S GONE ON BETWEEN US. I’M AFRAID THERE’S GONNA BE A LOT OF THAT. SO THERE’S GONNA BE A LOT OF PROBABLY PHONE CALLS GOING, WHY THEWHY’D YOU SAY THIS OR WHY’D YOU DO THAT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN I COULD SEE THAT HAPPENING. OH, I COULD TOTALLY SEE THAT HAPPENING. LET’S GO BACK TO THE FUN PLACE.

LET’S GO BACK TO THE FUN PLACE. YEAH. HAPPY PLACE. YEAH. doorbell rings HEY. HI. HOW ARE YOU GOOD. THIS ONE. THANK YOU. COFFEE HOW ARE YOU I’M OKAY. YOU LOOK GOOD. SORRY, I’M KIND OF NOT THE HAPPY PERSON TODAY. I KNOW. KIND OF OFF. TOO MUCH STRESS. FIRST OF ALL, HOW’S BRIANA SHE’S VERY SICK. LIKE, HOW CAN EVERYBODY MISS THIS WE WENT TO FIVE OR SIX DOCTORS FOR THREE YEARS. THERE’S NOTHING WORSE THAN SEEING YOUR BABY SICK.

IT’S HARD. IT’S HARD. I KNOW. HOPEFULLY, HER TESTS WILL COME BACK CLEAR AND SHE’LL FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. I KNOW. MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE END OF IT, YOU KNOW RIGHT, I’M HOPING, HOPING, HOPING. YOU’RE GONNA CRY. I KNOW, I KEEP THINKING ABOUT BRIANA. AND YOU, AND. IT’S JUST HEARTBREAKING. I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU. IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO HELP YOU YOU KNOW WHAT, UM I CAN BRING FOOD FOR YOU GUYS. NOBODY’S EATING. BECAUSE YOU LOOK REALLY SKINNY.

I’M NOT GONNA BE SKINNY ENOUGH FOR GRETCHEN, ALEXIS AND YOU, AND THAT’S THE REALITY I’M LIKE I REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT STUFF I DON’T CARE. ACCORDING TO SLADE, I’M A FATASS. I HEARD I’M.MISS PIGGY. OH, SO YOU HEARD ABOUT THAT YEAH. IT’S JUST SOSO WRONG. FOR A MAN TO SAY I’M FAT AND YOU’RE MISS PIGGY IS JUST SO DISRESPECTFUL. COULD YOU IMAGINE BROOKS OR EDDIE SAYING THAT ABOUT ANOTHER WOMAN SLADE, HE’S A SHOWOFF. HE LIKES TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION.

HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT ANYTHING GOOD CAN COME FROM HURTING PEOPLE I DON’T EVEN CARE, IT’S CLASSLESS. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, IT DOESN’T EVEN DESERVE ANY ENERGY. IT DOESN’T. WHAT DOES HE WANT ME TO DO, PLASTIC SURGERY ON MY FACE OR SHOULD I PUT A BAG OVER MY FACE WELL, I DON’T IF IT DOESN’T FIT THE MOLD OF WHAT HE WANTS ME TO LOOK LIKE. HE’S NOT EVEN WORTH OUR BREATH. MAYBE PEOPLE LIKE THAT DON’T CARE. I MEAN, I’M PROBABLY AT THE LOWEST I’VE BEEN.

BRIANA GETTING SICK, IT’S JUST.THE DIVORCE, TRYING TO HOLD MY BUSINESS TOGETHER, EVERYTHING THAT’S GOING ON. HE’S A PIECE OF bleep IS WHAT HE IS. HE’S A PIECE OF bleep AND HE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT US LET HIM TALK. I DON’T CARE. LET’S JUST KILL HIM WITH KINDNESS. I’LL HAVE NO PROBLEM KILLING SLADE WITH KINDNESS. BUT VICKI, THERE’S NOW WAY. SHE’S GONNA BLOW IT. HMPH. I WISH I COULD BE SO STRONG. SOME DAYS, I CAN’T. RIGHT NOW, YOU CAN’T. IT REALLY HURTS ME. YOU CAN’T, YOU CAN’T BECAUSE YOU GOT TOO MU.

YOU GOT TOO MUCH ON YOUR PLATE RIGHT NOW. WITH EVERYTHING THAT VICKI’S GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW, I THINK THAT SLADE’S COMEDIC TIMING SUCKS. DON’T WORRY ABOUT SLADE. DON’T WORRY ABOUT GRETCHEN. YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME TIME FOR YOURSELF, VICKI. CAN YOU DO THAT YOU NEED TO DO THAT. YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN. YOU WILL. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH FOR ANYBODY TO HANDLE. I HEARD THERE WAS A PARTY IN HERE. all cheer NO WAY. ALREADY THIS IS NOT MY YOU ALREADY HAVE IT ON.

THIS IS NOT SO FUNNY. ARE YOU DYING OVER THIS, LIKE I HAVE ALL OF THOSE NECKLACES. IS THIS MADONNAISH ENOUGH YOU’RE LIKE A YOU’RE LIKE A KINDA. LIKE, YOU LOOK LIKE UM, I MEAN, I’M NOT WEARING THIS OUTFIT, BUT I’M MADONNA. I’M MADONNA. GRETCHEN AND I ARE GOING TO AN ’80s PARTY TONIGHT AND I’M GOING AS MADONNA AND THE ONLY THING I’M MISSING IS THE GAP IN MY TOOTH. SO I’M SUPER EXCITED. WHAT DO YOUWHAT DO YOU THINK WELL, LET’S CRIMP.

JUST GO FOR IT. JUST CRIMP THE WHOLE THING LET’S JUST GO FOR IT. THE WHOLE THING NEEDS TO BE CRIMPED. YOU DON’T THINK THAT WOULD LOOK SO STUPID THE POINT IS TO LOOK LIKE YOU’RE ’80s. LIKE, CRIMPING WAS, LIKE, THE THING. OKAY, I JUST FEEL LIKE SO YOU’RE CURLING SO UGLY. YEAH. OH, MY GOD. HEY, YOU TOTALLY REMEMBER THIS OH, MY GOD THAT’S SO AWESOME. HOW GOOD IS THAT THAT IS SO WRONG. I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT WAS EVER IN.

DEFINITELY SOME OF MY FAVORITE MEMORIES FROM THE ’80s ISltigt THE FACTS OF LIFE, DIFF’RENT STROKES,ltigt AND I LOVEDltigt ALF.ltigt THIS CRAZY LITTLE THING WAS LIKE nonsense noises ARE YOU SURE THE WHOLE THING CRIMPED I FEEL LIKE I NEED SOME CURLS. THAT IS SO WEIRD TO ME. WHAT, YOU THINK THE REST OF YOUR OUTFIT LOOKS NORMAL NO. BUT, I MEAN, LIKE, THIS IS, LIKE, REALLY PUSHING IT. ARE YOU KIDDING ME THIS IS HILARIOUS. doorbell rings NATALIE HI. HI. WHEN I HEARD ABOUT THE ’80s PARTY,.

I ASSUMED THAT THERE WAS GONNA BE A LOT OF BIG HAIR, CRIMPED OUT, WATERFALL BANGS, NEON LAYERS AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT. I LOVE THAT LITTLE DRESS YOU GOT, BUT THE BACK WAS SO LOW I COULDN’T WEAR A BRA. I KNOW. MOMMA NEEDS A BRAANYWAY, SO WHAT’D YOU FIND FOR THE BELT I GOT FABRIC BECAUSE I COULDN’T FIND A BELT THAT WORKED OH, THAT’S PERFECT! YES. I LOVE IT, AWESOME. AND THEN AH! THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE. YES.

AND WHAT IS THIS FOR OH. laughs DID YOU THINK ME AND TERRY WERE GETTING KINKY I DIDN’T KNOW. I WAS LIKE, IS THIS WOO WOO! both laugh HONESTLY, IF WE WERE GONNA GET KINKY, I THINK I COULD BE A LITTLE MORE CREATIVE THAN DUCT TAPE. AND THAT IS VERY DECLASSE. COMING UP ONltigt REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY.ltigt YOU WENT TO THE IMPROV AND THREW HER AND HER UNDER THE bleep BUS! IT’S SO FUN. OKAY, REALLY NO. all cheer WHERE’S THE PARTY.

OH, MY GOD, I LOVE THE GUM! IT’S AWESOME. ALEXIS IN HER MADONNA OUTFIT SO PERFECT. I LOOK LIKE A TOOLBAG WITH, LIKE, CRAZY CRIMPED HAIR. all laugh OH, CAREFUL IN YOUR HAIR IT’S IN MY HAIR! OH! LAST TIME I HAD A BUNCO PARTY IT ENDED UP BEING, LIKE, A FRAT PARTY. I AM NOT CLEANING UP AFTER THESE WOMEN, SO I’M GONNA HAVE IT AT A RESTAURANT AND THEY CAN CLEAN UP FOR ME. HI. HELLO, HOW ARE YOU CAN I PUT THESE IN THE TRUNK.

SURE. OKAY, THANK YOU. THERE’S SO MANY GREAT THINGS ABOUT THE ’80s. THE AQUANET, THE LEG WARMERS, THE REAGAN WHITE HOUSE. HMM, NOT. OKAY, SO TAMRA CALLED. WHAT SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS CALLING TO JUST FIND OUT WHAT WAS GOING ON. I SAID, BOTTOM LINE IS IS THAT SLADE HAD SOME STUFF TO SAY AT THE COMEDY CLUB. IT’S SLADE. IT WASN’T ME. RIGHT, SEPARATE THE TWO. I DIDN’T SAY ONE THING. SHE WAS ACTUALLY VERY COOL AND TOTALLY INSTEAD OF NOT BELIEVING YOU, WHICH IS HER TENDENCY,.

SHE BELIEVED YOU. CORRECT. AND I DON’T KNOW SHE DIDN’T BELIEVE ME, BUT ON THE PHONE SHE SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS COOL AND SHE JUST SAID, IT’S ALL GOOD. NEWSFLASH, GRETCHEN TAMRA IS NOT TRUSTWORTHY. I JUST WANT GRETCHEN TO BE CAREFUL. I SHOULD JUST CALL HER AND ASK HER WHAT’S GOING ON WITH HER OUTFIT. SHE’S LIKE. phone rings HELLO HI, HONEY. HI. OKAY, BY THE WAY, I’M IN, LIKE, EVERY NEON COLOR POSSIBLY KNOWN TO MANKIND. I’M GLOW IN THE DARK, AND BY THE WAY,.

I HAVE CRIMPED HAIR. OH, YOUOH, NO, NO, HONEY. WE SHOULD HAVE THE UGLIEST HAIR CONTEST TONIGHT BECAUSE I WOULD DEFINITELY WIN. AND THE SAD THING IS, I USED TO WEAR MY HAIR LIKE THIS. laughs SHE GOES, THE SAD THING IS I USED TO WEAR MY HAIR LIKE THIS. OH, THAT’S SO FUNNY, I LOVE IT. HEY. OKAY, I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE IT. IT’S JUST INTERESTING TO ME HOW QUICKLY THEY GOT SO CLOSE, AND IT SEEMS LIKE GRETCHEN QUICKLY FORGOT EVERYTHING TAMRA’S SAID AND DONE ABOUT HER.

OKAY, BYE. WOULDN’T BE A PARTY WITHOUT SEX TOYS! HEY, GIRL. HI! HI. DON’T YOU LAUGH, DON’T YOU WE CAN LAUGH. laughs NICE WORK. SHE’S BEEN WORKING MY ASS FOR, LIKE, FOUR MONTHS NOW. WHAT’S UP YOU LOOK WONDERFUL. THAT’S RIGHT, SLADE. YOU CAN KISS MY 1980s, LEOTARDWEARING, ROCK HARD ASS. HI! OH, LOOK AT YOU. YOU LOOK LIKE THAT laughs IT’S A ROCKER CHICK. I’M A ROBERT PALMER GIRL. ltigt ADDICTED TO LOVE,ltigt BABY.

OH, MY GOD, YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HER. OH, MY GOD. ltigt LET’S GET PHYSICAL.ltigt THAT’S A GLAMOROUS OUTFIT. SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE HAIR JACKED UP AND STUPID CLOTHES ON. SHE LOOKED FABULOUS. I WAS TELLING EVERYBODY, NOW I KNOW WHY THEY USED TO HAVE A BIG BUSH BACK THEN. IT’S TO PREVENT THE CAMEL TOE. IT WAS TO PREVENT THE CAMEL TOE. I DON’T THINK YOU HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT. I’M GO laughs I’M GONNA PUT MY PURSE DOWN CAN I PUT MY PURSE DOWN I EMBARRASSED HER. laughs.

JUST BECAUSE IT’S AN ’80s PARTY DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO LOOK BAD. OH, MY GOD, LOOK AT THOSE SHORTS! THIS IS SO FUNNY. I LOVE THE HAIR. YOU’RE LIKE PEG BUNDY, LOOK AT YOU. all laugh PEG BUNDY. I JUST REMEMBER THE ’80s BEING, LIKE, REALLY VIBRANT PINK LIPSTICK, BIG, BIG HAIR, AND I ALWAYS REMEMBER MY LEG WARMERS. I WAS BITCHIN’. I THOUGHT I WAS REALLY COOL. IS THIS AN ’80s OUTFIT IS THIS AN ’80S OUTFIT ROBERT PALMER. OH, FUNNY.

I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER ROBERT PALMER. ANYWAY, I NEED A FLIPPIN’ COCKTAIL. OH, MY GOD, REALLY I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA BE THE WORKOUT QUEEN. I KNEW IT! I WAS GONNA TEXT HER AND ASK HER IF IT’S THE WORKOUT IT’S AMAZING. YOU LOOK LIKE A REALLY PRETTY, LIKE, ’80s GIRL. I’M, UH, I’M, UH OH, YOU ARE! ROBERT PALMER GIRL. YES! HELLO,ltigt ADDICTED TO LOVE. ADDICYES!ltigt PULL OUT THE PICTURES, I WANNA SEE WHAT HEATHER LOOKED LIKE IN 1980. WAIT, WAIT, WHAT IS THIS.

DO YOU REALLY HAVE A GUITAR ROBERT PALMER GIRL. OH, YES. ltigt ADDICTED TO LOVE.ltigt gasps YOU’RE SO RIGHT. HELLO, HASN’T ANYONE HEARD OF ROBERT PALMER AM I THE ONLY PERSON THAT GREW UP IN THE ’80s all chatter CAN I DRINK THAT YES, IT’S A MARGARITA. ABSOLUTELY. THAT LOOKS GOOD. ARE WE GETTING NAKED WASTED MAYBE, MAYBE. THAT’S WHAT THE ’80s IS ABOUT. STDS AND NAKED WASTED. PENICILLIN. I GOT MY GAY, I GOT MY GAY. OH, NO YOU DIDN’T.

OH, MY GOD. OH, GIRL. squeals OH. OKAY, GIRLS, GET YOUR DRINK. A LOT OF YOU GUYS HAVE NOT PLAYED BUNCO BEFORE, SO PAM AND I, WE ARE GONNA KIND OF SUPERVISE YOU GUYS. WE NEED, LIKE, FOUR PEOPLE HERE AND FOUR PEOPLE AT THE HEAD TABLE. laughs BA DUM BUMP! BA DUM BUMP BUMP. both laugh ROUND ONE, YOU’RE LOOKING FOR ONES. THREE ONES IS GONNA GET YOU A BUNCO. ROUND TWO, THREE TWOS IS GONNA GET YOU A BUNCO AND EVERY BUNCO YOU GET, YOU GET A PRIZE.

BUNCO IS A DICE GAME THAT’S VERY EASY AND YOU JUST ROLL THE DICE. THE FIRST SET YOU ROLL ONES. THE SECOND YOU ROLL TWOS. IT’S VERY MINDLESS AND BASICALLY LUCK. ONES, ONES. YOUR TURN. GOT IT, YOU HAVE TO GET A ONE TO GO AGAIN. YEAH, WE’RE GONNA WIN. ONE. ONE. ONE. ROLL IT! WOO! OKAY.ONE. NO, NO. ISIS IT US NO! YOU GET A POINT, YOU DON’T GET A POINT. I DON’T KNOW IF I’M A WINNER OR A LOSER.

I JUST KEEP HAVING TO PLAY MUSICAL CHAIRS, AND I’M LIKE, WHY IS THIS GAME FUN YES, YES, TAKE YOUR PAPER WITH YOU. WOO WOO, WOO WOO. II JUST LOVE GAMES AND I LOVE TO WIN. LET’S GO, RICKY, WE GOTTA GET SOMETHING. I GET SO EXCITED AND I’M LIKE, COME ON. IT’S JUST A LITTLEA LITTLE BIT OF COMPETITIVENESS. COME ON, COME ON, PRAY OR SOMETHING, COME ON. AW! I AM GONNA PRAY THE NEXT ONE. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG ABOUT THAT. DO YOU REALLY WANNA USE YOUR RELIGIOUS JUJU.

FOR ROLLING DICE AT A BUNCO GAME SHOULDN’T YOU BE SAVING THAT FOR SOMETHING IMPORTANT FOUR! KEEP TRYING, GIRL. FIVE. WHAT THE HELL both SIX. both laugh WOO! SEE, THAT WAS BECAUSE THE LORDIE SAID THIS IS NOT A BAD GAME. YAY! OH! ALEXIS IS A HOLY ROLLER. GO, ALEXIS. OKAY. ALL RIGHT, LET’S SEE, ALEXIS. GOOD. OH, WAIT, WAIT. YOU DROPPED THE LIP GLOSS. OH, I GOT LIP GLOSS! NO, THAT’S NOT LIP GLOSS, HONEY.

READ IT. I GOT LIP GLOSS! WOO! laughs THIS IS NIPPLE NIBBLERS. laughs SHE’S LIKE, OH, LIP GLOSS. AND I’M LIKE, THAT’S NIPPLE NIBBLERS. TOTALLY DIFFERENT THING. BUT IF YOU WANNA PUT THAT ON YOUR LIPS, I BET THAT’S GONNA TINGLE LIKE HELL, GIRLFRIEND. OKAY, SHE THOUGHT THE NIPPLE THING WASWAS FOR A LIP GLOSS laughs SERIOUSLY, AND THAT GIRL’S GOT THE BIGGEST NIPPLES I’VE EVER SEEN. THOSE NIPPLES ARE, LIKE, 7 INCHES. HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT HER NIPPLES LOOK LIKE BECAUSE THEY STICK OUT OF EVERY SHIRT SHE WEARS.

AM I LYING AM I LYING WHO SAYS THAT I DON’T LIKE TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING THAT HAVE TO DO WITH BODY PARTS THAT ARE PRIVATE, ANY PINK PARTS OR ANY PARTS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE COVERED UP. chatter ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. OKAY, THERE IT IS. BY THE WAY, I LOVE BROOKS. I MET HIM. YEAH, AT MANHATTAN OPEN. HE’S GREAT, HE’S NICE. TAMRA TOLD ME WHAT WHAT’S HIS FACE SAID ABOUT YOU.

I JUST FOUND THAT NOT VERY NICE. I GUESS HE THINKS MY.MY LOOKS AREN’T TO HIS LIKING. SO, GUESS WHAT I DON’T REALLY CARE. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT THE LITTLE MISS PIGGY THING. OH, THAT’S SO bleep UP, SO bleep UP. WHO WANTS TO BE WITH A MAN LIKE THAT I CAN’T DO MUCH MORE STRESS. YOU CAN TELL. BECAUSE OF WHAT SOMEBODY IS SAYING. I’M SORRY THAT YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH WHAT YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH, I’M SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH.

WHAT YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH. IT’S JUST MEAN. IT’S MEAN. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE FINE AND EVERYTHING WAS GOOD AND WE’RE GONNA BE GOOD THIS TIME. OKAY. WE’RE GOOD. WE’RE ALL GOLDEN. OKAY. OKAY, I DON’T THINK SO. I’M SO GOOD. YOU’RE GOOD. I’VE NEVER BEEN SO GOOD. I’M REALLY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW ON WHAT TAMRA’S DOING WITH GRETCHEN. LIKE, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW OVER HERE AT THEAT THE LOSERS’ TABLE.

WHY ARE YOU BEING MEAN HE ASKED IF I WAS GOOD. I’M GOOD, DO I NOT LOOK GOOD WE’RE GOOD. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO START bleep WHO ME YOU! WHAT THE bleep, MAN SERIOUSLY YOU WERE TRYING TO START bleep, I CAN TELL. YOU WENT TO THE IMPROV AND AND THREW HER AND HER UNDER THE bleep BUS! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING AT THE IMPROV. I DIDN’T DO ONE THING AT THE IMPROV. YOU SWEAR TO GOD, YOU NEVER SAID.

SWEAR TO GOD. YOU DIDN’T MENTION HER. OR YOU DIDN’T MENTION HER. SWEAR TO GOD. WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND RIGHT NOW I SWEAR TO GOD YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SWEAR TO GOD ONE I SWEAR TO GOD. RICKY, I WAS THERE, SHE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE GIRLS. I SWEAR TO GOD, I DIDN’T SAY ONE THING ABOUT THEM. I THINK IT WAS SLADE, I DON’T KNOW. I DIDN’T SAY ONE THING OKAY, MAYBE IT WASN’T YOU.

BUT YOU GUYS WERE UP THERE TOGETHER. I WASN’T UP THERE WITH SLADE AT ALL. WELL, ACTUALLY, NO SHE WASN’T UP THERE WHEN THAT HAPPENED, NO. NO, I WASN’T UP THERE WHEN HE DID THAT. ‘CAUSE WEWE WERE THERE, AND ACTUALLY, WE HAD A VERY BIG FIGHT ABOUT IT, SO UNTIL YOU KNOW THE ACTUAL INFORMATION, I SUGGEST YOU SHUT UP. DID YOU KNOW THAT HE WAS GONNA TALK ABOUT ME NO, AND ACTUALLY I GOT VERY UPSET WITH HIM ABOUT IT. DOES HE THINK IT’S FUNNY.

TO HURT PEOPLE YEAH OH, YOU KNOW WHAT THOUGH YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY HAVE THE CONVERSATION WITH HIM. NO, BUT YOU WERE THERE WITH HIM. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING I DON’T THINK SHE SAID ANYTHING. YEAH, WHATEVER, OKAY. I GUESS I’LL LET IT GO. I DON’T REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW TAMRA CAN BE SO TEAM GRETCHEN. GRETCHEN’S NOT INNOCENT IN ALL THIS. JUST CHAOS. WELCOME TO MY WORLD. COMING UP ONltigt REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY.ltigt I GOT ONE MORE SURPRISE FOR YOU.

OH, MY GOD, I’M SCARED WHAT HER SURPRISE MIGHT BE. squeals I WAS JUST NOT LIKING WHAT HER BOYFRIEND WAS SAYING ABOUT YOU, YOU, AND YOUR BOYFRIEND. IT WAS VERY TONGUEINCHEEK, IT WAS VERY SILLY. I MEAN THE ONLY THING I WOULD HAVE SAID IS THAT HE SHOULD HAVE MADE FUN OF EVERYONE ACROSS THE BOARD. IN MY OPINION, I THINK IT WAS JUST COMEDY THAT SORT OF FELL FLAT. BUT AGAIN, WOMEN’S LOOKS SHOULD BE OFFLIMITS. LIKE, I DON’T WANNA BE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.

WELL I AGREE WITH THAT. KEEP ME OUT OF IT. SLADE AND TAMRA HAVE OT HAVE A TALK. HERE’S THE THING, IF I’M TRYING TO GET OVER MY ISSUES, THAT’S ONE THING, BUT IF HE STILL HAS ISSUES, IT’S GOTTA BE SEPARATE. I CAN’T EXPECT HIM TO HAVE THE SAME FEELINGS I HAVE. SHE’S SUPPORTING HIS DECISION. DO NOT HANG OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO TALKS LIKE THAT ABOUT WOMEN. IT’S DISRESPECTFUL. NO MAN OF MINE WOULD EVER TALK THAT WAY ABOUT ANOTHER WOMAN. NO.

IT’S HARD BECAUSE IT’S LIKE, I’M TRYING TO MAKE AMENDS, AND I DON’T WANT THERE TO BE ANY MORE RIFT, AND SO WHEN THERE’S RIFT, IT’S LIKE. I CANNOT CONTROL SLADE AND WHAT HE CHOOSES TO DO. BUT IT’S NOT FAIR FOR THEM TOTO TAKE IT OUT ON ME, WHEN THEY SHOULD REALLY BE TAKING IT UP WITH SLADE. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WHEN YOU SAY THE THINGS YOU SAY AT THE LEVEL YOU SAY ABOUT HIS CHILDREN, I DON’T KNOW IF THAT’S SOMETHING HE CAN FORGET. AND I DON’T BLAME HIM.

YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, STOP, STOP. I DON’T WANT ANY MORE bleep TALKING. LET’S JUST HAVE FUN, AND I GOT ONE MORE SURPRISE FOR YOU. I DON’T CARE, THERE’S MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAN WHAT WE LOOK LIKE. OH, MY GOD, I’M SCARED WHAT HER SURPRISE MIGHT BE. OKAY, GIRLS I MET SOME GUYS DOWN IN THE LOBBY AND THEY WANNA COME IN AND JOIN OUR PARTY. I HOPE YOU DON’T MIND. ARE THESE, LIKE, ’80s STRIPPERS THEY COULD BE. OH, MY GOD. YOU HAVE 80 STRIPPERS.

laughs NO, THEY’RE NOT ’80s STRIPPERS, BUT THEY’RE KINDA HOT. OH, I LIKE IT. all cheer I WANNA INTRODUCE TO YOU GUYS ’80s’ HOTTEST MEN. yells squeals AM I KEVIN OR WHAT HILARIOUS. I THOUGHT THE MEN LOOKED SO GREAT. I WAS SO SHOCKED THAT THEY WERE WILLING TO ACTUALLY DRESS UP. SLADE! THAT bleep IS SO FUNNY. WHAT THE HELL IS SLADE DOING HERE HAS TAMRA LOST HER MIND I JUST FELT REALLY BETRAYED. I FELT HURT. WHERE DOES YOUR LOYALTY LIE.

NEXT ONltigt REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY.ltigt I’VE BEEN A RECIPIENT OF SOMEONE THAT’S NEVER PAID CHILD SUPPORT! VICKI, THEN WHY ARE YOU DATING BROCK MY BOYFRIEND IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! OH, REALLY, REALLY THAT’S FUNNY BECAUSE SLADE WAS NONE OF YOUR bleep BUSINESS EITHER! DON’T CRY. WHY ARE YOU CRYING, HMM I JUST DON’T WANNA WAKEI LIKE WAKING UP AND JUST YOU’RE FINE, BABE. I DON’T THINK I CAN GET THROUGH THIS. I’M OKAY, THOUGH, DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME.

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